This grief will never end. Every time I think I’m recovering, something or someone reminds me of the fact that I’ve lost you. Then I realize the painful truth, I’ll never see you again and time is taking me further and further away from the time you were there.
every morning, i wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. but once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. once my eyes open, i’m heavy, like there’s too much gravity on my heart.
Missing you won’t bring you back.
i will always have nightmares of that day.
no matter how much time has passed, i will always remember.
the nightmares will never allow me to forget.
i will never allow myself to forget.
That night I lost you, I lost something inside me. Or perhaps several things. Something central to my existence, the very support for who I am as a person.
Grief is forever. It doesn’t go away. It becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath.
and fuck, i still can’t say your name without forgetting how to breathe.